It's just that kind of day..

Is there a reason that we're here?

Yup. I'm pretty sick of him. I'm not really. I love spending time with him, I love talking to him...but yup, I'm pretty sick of not knowing. Like, I hate it so much that we can spend summers, holidays, weekends together and we get along more than perfectly, spend all this time together, have all these great and wonderful easy going talks about random interests and then it's back to never talking to him again until the next holiday. I don't understand why we keep having all this if nothing is going to happen. I mean, sure, we can be friends, but do friends really treat each other this way and then go back to northing? Like, I don't even understand what we are half the time. It doesn't even really matter what we are. I'm there when he needs me and when he doesn't, I'm not. It's like when I'm there, we're friends, he likes to spend time with me. But when I'm not there, he could really care less.

Everytime we're away, I feel a distance I can't take. Watching you drive away, it kills me

We talked a little bit about it. We were alone in the kitchen (he was helping me with homework) and I said something about how he should make more of an effort to talk to me, go on msn more often. And then he used his same old excuse of how he's just too busy to go on msn. And I just said I understood that but that I had gotten used to talking to him that first week, hell..that I got used to talking to him period and then he always disappears and we only talk at holidays. And he looked at me and told me to my face "oh well." I don't know, it was so weird because he said it nicely, but he was basically breaking my heart. And I just made a joke about how to me I was all like ahh we don't get to talk, but to him it was oh well we'll talk next time I'm in town. I don't know.

He spends 92 minutes on a Tuesday night driving to meet the one that he might never see again. When they spend time alone, where no one can distract them from finding out if they clash or compliment.

It was a really good weekend. It was really good to see Vanessa again and her fambly too. It was good to feel "at home" again. It was good spending a car ride to Sudbury with her Mom telling stories and talking. And it was good spending alone time with Ky (even if it turned out how it did.) It was good telling her Dad all about my life now. It was good sitting around telling stories like old times, like I could just go back in time, where I could just sit beside Kyle and pretend everything was okay..because it was, even if we didn't work out and even if I STILL can't convince myself whatever it is I need to convince myself, it was still okay..it was still time spent with people I care about and for the most part, who care about me.