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May 2007

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She's crying on the bathroom floor singing "I can't take it anymore.."

I've been sick, as everyone knows, and I've been kind of losing myself to whatever this is. I eat a little, I sleep A LOT, and I talk to a few people. But something has been different. Normally I go around picking up everyone when they fall, only now I'm the one falling, I'm slipping, I'm falling down, slipping away, disappearing. I know a lot of people would disagree with me and I thank everyone who has been there but I'm just not sure anymore. I told my friend I was losing myself, that I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore. It's like I'm floating through life, I'm there but I'm not really there. When he asked me why I felt like I was losing myself, I didn't know. I mean I'm sick, so I sleep a lot, and it's really making me think something else is going on..I mean it seems like something is wrong with my stomach obviously, it wouldn't hurt for 2 + weeks for nothing..but the sleeping..and the skipping classes (because I'm too sick to go and can only do too much with my limited energy) and the sleeping in and going to bed early and sleeping late..none of it seems like me. And I know it's stupid because I know you're allowed to be like that when you're sick..but I feel like there is more to it than that.

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